Ep 80 Emotional intelligence: How to find and restore your confidence

Show notes

In this deeply personal episode of The Crazy One podcast, Stephen Gates explores the raw, unfiltered realities behind confidence—why it’s fleeting, how it’s built, how it breaks, and why it’s at the heart of creative leadership, progress, and even happiness. Unlike the usual how-to playbook, this episode meets you in the middle of the mess. Because this time, Stephen needed the answers just as much as you might.

Key Takeaways:

1. Confidence Is Messy, Fragile, and Often Faked

• Most people project strength while privately unraveling.

• Stephen opens up about the hardest week of his year—from career shifts to watching his dog go blind—and how it shattered his confidence.

• This isn’t a TED Talk—it’s a real-time reckoning.

2. Fear Is the Saboteur of Creativity

Adapted from IDEO’s David Kelley:

• Fear of the Messy Unknown: Uncertainty in the creative process is inevitable and intimidating.

• Fear of Being Judged: Self-editing and playing it safe are creativity’s worst enemies.

• Fear of the First Step: Action beats analysis. Just start.

• Fear of Losing Control: Confidence also means letting go—of your ego, of your ideas, of needing to be right.

3. Confidence Is a Muscle, Not a Switch

• Confidence isn’t binary—it’s fluid, built brick by brick.

• It’s okay to fall apart. Tend to your wounds. But then, start rebuilding.

• Small wins matter. Each one is a brick.

4. Reframe “Failure” as “Learning”

• Real confidence comes not from avoiding hard moments, but from surviving them.

• Failure feels final. Learning keeps the story going.

• Don’t bury pain in perfection. Process it with honesty.

5. Accountability Kills Excuses

• We’re masters of self-rationalization.

• Set up external accountability—tell someone your goals, deadlines, struggles.

• Sites like stickk.com can help formalize it.

6. Tend to Your Past and Own Your Story

• Lack of confidence often comes from where we’ve been or who we think we’re not.

• Your difference is your strength. Embrace your crazy.

• Make two lists: Your strengths and your accomplishments. Revisit them often.

7. Stop Mourning the Old Normal

• Confidence gets stuck when we grieve what was instead of adapting to what is.

• Stephen’s blind dog Ogee becomes the unexpected hero of this episode: scared, disoriented, but determined to map her new world, bump by bump.

Bold Closing Statement:

Confidence isn’t built in perfect conditions. It’s forged in breakdowns, failure, and the brutally honest work of showing up again. Stay in the game. Keep laying bricks. And remember: the most creative thing you can do right now might be just to keep going.

Explore More:

• Full article from David Kelley on creative fear [linked here]

• Use stickk.com to create accountability goals

Tagged as:
boosting confidence confidence building confidence in creativity creative confidence Design Imposter Syndrome fea imposter syndrome leadership growth overcoming self-doubt personal development self-assurance Stephen Gates The Crazy One podcast